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    • Mon Mar 24th 04:40 AM
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      Global Precious Metals Correction: Healthy and Overdue
      I'd like to make an analogy to a movie filmed in 1989. Titled Weekend at Bernie's. In this analogy Bernie the corpse, will be played by the world economy. And Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman's parts, will be played by Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, and Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson...

      Act 1...

      Benny and Hendew are just hanging out on the beach. Soaking up the rays at Bernie's big, lush villa. But there's a small problem. Bernie
      is a dead bloated smelly corpse. Everything will be cool, So long as
      no one notices the green bile pouring down his chin. Or, that the top
      of his scalp is peeling off... Or, that crows ate both of his eyeballs.. It's no small task, but thankfully it's only a movie.

      So Benny and Hendew are sipping margaritas, and getting ready for
      a big party, with a bunch of skanky gold digging beach bettys. But You can see that Bernie's foul odor, and disgusting appearance is putting a slight damper on their high hopes for the evening. They got Bernie propped up on a broom, with some sunglasses on, and Benny's on the phone trying to get a hold of some flesh colored paint, to brush on the world economy's rotton skin, so he'll look his best for the party.

      In walks the Notorious Alan G(reenspan), looking all spiffy for the
      party, with his new Testonis. His group of hairs, all pushed in the
      same direction, and held in place with a little tounge spit. Benny and Hendew are like, "What's this mother f**cker doing up in here?!? We
      don't even want this fool around here. It was his backstabbing,
      freeloading ass, that led to Bernie's heart attack in the first place.
      And on top of that, he's a cock blocker." But alas, the Notorious Alan G.S.P.N. is able to pretend to not notice that it's obvious to the world, that he's a cockblocking scumbag. And if he had any dignity at all, he'd be ashamed to ever show his face in public again, but he doesn't.

      Then... Finally something interesting happens. (This is where it
      veers off from the original movie, and I wrote in some stuff.) In
      walks Precious Metals. PM, I've decided, is played by Elisabeth Shue,
      Who You'll remember, was Karate Kids girlfriend. And also note, that
      this movies time frame is the late 80's, so she's the young and
      smoking hot Elisabeth Shoe, AKA Precious metals, and shes gonna be hot for years to come. Adventures in Babysitting, Leaving Los Vegas, and some recent stuff. You have to admit, she still looks hot.

      With that said. Benny is super stoked, cuz he's been wanting to get
      in her pants, ever since he saw her out on the beach in her skimpy
      swimsuit, putting on the lotion, and he tripped over the fat guy,
      while walking backwards, and eyeing her super sexy legs under the
      shade of his hand. And today she is looking extra super smoking hot,
      with a halfway see through dress that hugs her voluptuous figure.
      But... before you can say Alan Greenspan cockblock... There's a bone snapping sound, and Bernie cracks open like a rotten egg. The stink that pours out of him, totally kills the mood, and Precious Metals starts screaming and freaking out. Now she knows the world economy is a dead and bloated smelly corpse, and if anyone hears her screaming, it's gonna totally ruin the weekend, and the slut party they got cooking up. So Benny, Hendoo, and Al, have to do what any raving lunatics would have to do in their shoes. They each grab a bottle of booze and start clubing Elisabeth Shue over the head. And this is where the movie takes a little science fiction twist. Even though they bust several unopened bottles of brandy and scotch over her head, she doesn't get hurt. She's unconscious, and there shoving ruffies down her throat, but she's relatively unharmed.? And here's the SCi-Fi twist... It's cause she's a frickin Superhero!! And what's more, when she wakes up, Precious
      Metals, AKA. a young Elisabeth Shue, is gonna remember that Bernie, AKA the world economy, is really a corpse. And that Ben, Henry, and Al are some creepy dudes. And then she's gonna shoot lazers out of her tits. Won't that be cool!!
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